So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
