I seem to have left my pride at pride
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
