I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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