Quick, to the slutcave!
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
