I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
