Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
