People in love make me want to vomit
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
