i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
