now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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