I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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