make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
