She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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