I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
