he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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