Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
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I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
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This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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