I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
my god I love twenty year old dicks
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
