Umm I'm too high to move.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
