So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
