i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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