Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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