EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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