Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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