Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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