You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
