operation harelip BJ is a go
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
