It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
