My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
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