nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
