marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Randomize
