What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
