Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
