Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize