never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
