She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
