He passed out mid-signature
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
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Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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