My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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