I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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