Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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