i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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