I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
