dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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