I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
You are the jesus of drinking
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
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