Swine flu. Run for my life!
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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