Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
