just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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