Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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