every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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