I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
