I skipped work to stalk him.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
