Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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