She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
