She just used a chaser for red wine.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
