So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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