If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
