Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
