masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
