it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm passing your future prison.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
