oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
