we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
