My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
