My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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