ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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