remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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