sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
