I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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