Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
