That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
