shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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