brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
