whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
