I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
