Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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