I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Well I just put wine in my tea
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
