a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
