Umm I'm too high to move.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
