The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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